[ B] ANGER MANAGEMENT
Anger is a feeling that affects us all. Things that
can make us feel angry include a threat to us or people close to us,
a blow to our self-esteem or social standing in a group, being interrupted
when we’re pursuing a goal, being treated unfairly and feeling unable to change
this, being verbally or physically assaulted, or someone going against a
principle we feel is important.
Anger is an important emotion, according to Celia
Richardson of the Mental Health Foundation. “It’s the one that tells
us we need to take action to put something right,” she says. “Anger is a
problem-solving emotion. It gives us strength and energy, and motivates us to
act.”But for some, anger can get out of control and cause problems with
relationships, work and even the law.
Physical signs of anger
Everyone has a physical response to anger. Our body
releases the hormone adrenalin, making our heart beat faster and making us
breathe quicker and sweat more.This allows us to focus on the threat and react
quickly, but it can also mean we don’t think straight, and maybe react in ways
we might regret later on.
“One person in five has ended a relationship
because of the way the other person dealt with anger,” says Celia.“Reports show
that anger problems are as common as depression and anxiety, but people don’t
often see it as a problem, or don’t realise there are ways to tackle it.”
Individual reactions to being angry
How people react to feeling angry depends on many things
including the situation, their family history, cultural background, gender
and general stress levels.
People can express anger verbally, by shouting.
Sometimes this can be aggressive, involving swearing, threats or name-calling.
Some people react violently and lash out physically, hitting other people,
pushing them or breaking things.
Other people might hide their anger or turn
it against themselves. They can be very angry on the inside but feel unable to
let it out.
It’s important to deal with anger in a healthy way
that doesn’t harm you or anyone else. Intense and unresolved anger is linked to
health conditions such as high blood pressure, depression, anxiety and heart
disease. It can also affect your relationships and your work, and get you into trouble
with the law.
Dealing with anger in a healthy way includes:
recognising when you get angry
taking time to cool down
reducing the amount of stress in your life
Anger management is a psycho-therapeutic program for
anger prevention and control. It has been described as deploying anger
successfully. Anger is frequently a result of frustration, or of feeling
blocked or thwarted from something we feel to be important. Anger can also be a
defensive response to underlying fear or feelings of vulnerability or
powerlessness. Anger management programs consider anger to be a motivation
caused by an identifiable reason which can be logically analyzed, and if
suitable worked toward.
"We all experience anger; anger only becomes a
serious concern when an individual is angry too frequently, too intensely, and
for too long." - Raymond W. Novaco, 1984
Anger management is a term used to describe the skills
you need to recognise that you, or someone else, is becoming angry and take
appropriate action to deal with the situation in a positive way.
Anger is a perfectly normal human emotion and, when
dealt with appropriately, can even be considered a healthy emotion. We
all feel angry from time to time, yet this feeling can lead us to say or do
things that we later regret. Anger can reduce our inhibitions and make us act
inappropriately.
Anger management concerns recognising the triggers for
anger as early as possible and expressing these feelings and frustrations in a
cool, calm and collected way. We often have learnt-behaviours as to how to
deal with strong emotions, so anger management is about unlearning ineffective
coping mechanisms and re-learning more positive ways to deal with the problems
and frustrations associated with anger.
There are many anger management techniques that you
can learn and practise by yourself or teach to others. However if you, or
someone you know, experiences a lot of regular anger or very strong anger
(rage) then seeking help, usually in the form of a counsellor, can be more
effective.
You should seek professional help if anger is having a
long-term negative impact on your relationships, is making you unhappy, or is
resulting in any dangerous or violent behaviour.
Do You Need Professional Help with Anger?
If you answer yes to any of these questions then you
may need professional help to manage your anger.
Your behaviour has led to any sort of criminal or
civil wrongdoing.
You are violent towards your partner, children or
other people.
You threaten violence to people or property.
You have outbursts of rage which involve deliberately
breaking things.
You have constant arguments with people close to you,
your spouse/partner, parents, children, colleagues or friends.
You feel angry frequently but internalise the emotion.
You think that you may need professional help with your anger. All what you
need is Anger Management Therapy. Also, pray through.
Anger Management:
Self-Help Techniques.
It is important to recognise when you feel angry or experience feelings that may lead to anger.
It is important to recognise when you feel angry or experience feelings that may lead to anger.
You should not try to suppress your anger but instead
try to understand it and act in a positive way to alleviate negative aspects of
your anger.
Take Regular Exercise and Keep Fit
The hormones that we release when we are angry -
mainly cortisol and adrenaline - are similar to those produced when we are
stressed to help us to escape from danger. The release of these hormones is an
evolutionary trait, useful if you are trying to run away from a mammoth but
maybe less important in modern life where, for most of us, such
life-threatening situations do not occur regularly.
When you exercise regularly your body learns how to
regulate your adrenaline and cortisol levels more effectively. People who
are physically fit have more optimum levels of endorphins; endorphins are
hormones that make you feel good and therefore less likely to feel angry.
Sleep
Sleep is an important part of life and good quality
sleep can help combat many physical, mental and emotional problems, including
anger. When we sleep, the body and mind rest and rebuild damaged cells and
neural pathways. We all know that people often feel better after a good
night’s sleep. The optimum level of good quality sleep is about 7 hours a
night, however everybody is different and you may need more or less than this.
Plan ‘Difficult’ Conversations
If you are worried about having a conversation that
may leave you feeling angry then try to take control of the situation.
Make notes beforehand, planning what you want to say in a calm and assertive
way. You are less likely to get side-tracked during your conversation if
you can refer to your notes.
Solutions Are More Important Than Problems
It can be helpful to identify what made you angry in
the first place. However, it is more important to focus on a way to resolve
problems so that they don’t arise again in the future.
Express Yourself
Wait until you have calmed down from your anger and
then express yourself in a calm and collected way. You need to be assertive
without being aggressive.
Don't Hold Grudges
We all need to accept that everybody is different and
that we cannot control the feelings, beliefs or behaviours of others.Try to be
realistic and accept that people are the way they are, not how we would like
them to be. Being resentful or holding a grudge against somebody will
increase your anger and make it more difficult to control. You cannot change
how other people behave or think but you can change how you deal with others
but working on a positive attitude.
Pick Your Time
Avoid conversations that may make you angry when you
are feeling tired, distracted or stressed. We are more likely to feel and
behave in an angry way when there are other worries on our minds.
Humour
It is easy to use inappropriate sarcasm when angry;
resist the temptation to do this and instead work on introducing some good
humour into potentially difficult conversations. If you can introduce
some humour then resentment will be reduced and your mood lifted.The simple act
of laughing can go along way to reduce anger, especially over the longer term.
See our page on Laughter Therapy for more information. Be aware that although
laughing can help you feel better you need to make sure there is no danger of
misinterpretation.
Breathe Slowly and Relax
Try to reverse the physical symptoms of anger by
practising some simple breathing exercises. Breathing exercises can help
you to relax and slow your heart rate to more normal levels. When you
start to feel tense and angry, try to isolate yourself for 15 minutes and
concentrate on relaxing and calm, steady breathing:Inhale and exhale deeply 3
or 4 times in a row.Count slowly to four as you inhale.Count slowly to eight as
you exhale. Focus on feeling the air move in and out of your lungs.Concentrate
and feel your ribs slowly rise and fall as you repeat the exercise.Stop and
revert to normal breathing if you start to feel dizzy at any time.
